The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest

Tennis players grunt too much when they play.
There’s no need for all that racquet

What do you call a king’s fart?
Noble gas.

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

They should make a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster!

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Anette

Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.

I only trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie.

I got banned from the secret cooking society… For spilling the beans.

I was walking my dog through the cemetery when I saw a guy crouching behind a gravestone.
I said “Morning”. He said, “No, just having a sh**”.

A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, “Five beers please.”

The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

Did you hear about the murder at the fish shop the other day!!

2 fish got battered to death

I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.

How does an evil cow laugh? Moohaha