What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway)

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.

Say what you want about deaf people…

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile?
“Get in the batmobile”

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.

He’s street smart. Sesame Street smart.

My wife told me I was average, I think she’s mean.

Our vet is great. If you take your dog in and you have pet insurance, they give you a courtesy dog for the day.

A steak pun is a rare medium well done

I used to be a carpenter until I accidentally sat on my hammer, now I have hammeroids.

What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here I’m going on a head

I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.

What do pimps and farmers have in common? They both need a hoe to stay in business

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

What’s it like being in a vacuum cleaner? It sucks

It puzzles me that a bra is singular and panties are plural.

Do you know why i make puns?
its my respunsibility.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do *not* read it!

The invisible man and invisible woman had children… they weren’t much to look at

My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewellery. To be fair, I didn’t even know she sold jewellery.