My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewellery. To be fair, I didn’t even know she sold jewellery.

What do PCs and air conditioners have in common?
They both become useless when you open windows

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

This guy just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of his penis. Definitely won’t be shagging one of those again

I was thinking about getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house.

What is Bruce Lee’s favourite drink? Wataaaaahh!

Where do fish work? The offish.

I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

Interviewer: “So how long were you employed in your last job?”
Me: “I’d say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.”