I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “This taste funny to you?”

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

Several guys are sitting around having a drink and one guy says “My wife’s an angel” another guy says “Your lucky, mines still alive.”

I have a stepladder. Because my real ladder left when I was a kid

If I get interviewed by a police sketch artist, my only goal will be to see how far I get before he realizes I’m making him draw a pirate.

Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack

Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?

My cats gonna sh** when he sees his new litter box I got him for Christmas.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

My wife broke up with me because of my gambling. All I can think of is how to win her back.

Conjunctivitis.com: a site for sore eyes

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.

Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?
Cause she’ll just let it go

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

My wife told me she thought we’d have less arguments if I wasn’t so pedantic.

I told her ‘I think you mean fewer’.

I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.

Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.