I broke a can opener. It’s a can’t opener now.

I saw a bishop the other day. Wondered why he wasn’t walking diagonally

My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.

He’s fully recovered now though.

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny..

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan

Someone told me my clothes looked gay..
They did come out of the closet this morning.

Once I found out masturbating was an addiction, I just knew that I had no choice but to beat it.

I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the other day. She was a bouncer.

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it

I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!

Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?

I did a theatrical performance on puns.
It was a play on words.

Fishermen are reel men.

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again

Smoking will give you cancer.
Eating bacon will you give you cancer.
But for some reason, smoking bacon will cure it.

Hedgehogs — why can’t they just share the hedge

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “The highballs are on me.”

It’s Jamaican hair style day at work tomorrow. I’m already dreading it.