I, for one, like Roman numerals

What was the demon arrested for?
Possession

I met a woman with 12 boobs…
Sounds weird dozen tit!

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

What did one lumber jack say to another lumber jack?
“I need to axe you a question”

If pronouncing my b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian, then soviet.

What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A Piiig…

If a blind woman tells you your penis is big, she’s probably just pulling your leg

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran

Tennis players grunt too much when they play.
There’s no need for all that racquet

i thought i got a type a in blood test but it was actually a typ-o

Our cat was just sick on the carpet. I don’t think its feline well.

I was mugged by an acupuncturist yesterday – the mongrel stabbed me 236 times.
Mind you, when I woke up this morning I felt amazing.

I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn’t happy

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do *not* read it!

Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?

Today a girl said she recognized me from vegetarian club, but I’m sure I’ve never met herbivore.

Cinderella got kicked off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball