Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble

What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral

What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? Forget-me-nuts.

I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!

What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here I’m going on a head

What type of bears live in the north and south poles?
Bi-polar

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200

I thought I understood the meaning of “When Pigs Fly” but then… the swine flu.

I know Jiu-Jitsu, Sambo, Judo, Aikido and lots of other scary words.

My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.

He’s fully recovered now though.

Blonde: “What does IDK mean?”

Brunette: “I don’t know.”

Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”

Two dyslexics walk into a bra…

I haven’t slept for three days, because that would be too long.

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.
Dirty Bastards.

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully soon they’ll get beta

Shout out to my grandma…
That’s the only way she can hear

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot