I only trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie.

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran

My dad always told me “Don’t be quick to find faults”.
Good man, terrible geologist.

What sits at the bottom of the ocean shivering?
A nervous wreck

How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving

Give a Nigerian a fish he’ll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he’ll become a prince and start e-mailing people

Why should you never trust a train?
They have loco motives

A Spanish magician wanted to do a trick. He covered himself with a blanket and counted “Uno… dos…” and he vanished without a tres

The invisible man and invisible woman had children… they weren’t much to look at

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees, I didn’t believe her. And then I saw her face

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

Have I told you this deja vu joke before?

What is the first thing Santa’s elves have to learn?
The Elfabet

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.