Two bars walk into a man, LSD is powerful stuff

Have I told you this deja vu joke before?

RIP boiled water. You will be mist.

What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.

What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg? Hop in.

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it would be called chicken sedan.

A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work.

I can guess your blood type.
Its Red.

The only dates I get these days are software updates

Even when I’m really tired I refuse to take naps during the day. My wife says I’m resisting a rest.

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden..
The plot thickens.

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ‘concentrate’.

An old man threw out his hip.. What a waist

Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines.

I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

There was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. The snake went back to get its ass and a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, “Don’t lose your head over a piece of ass.”