What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data

The other night I had a knife in one hand and a block of colby in the other…
I told the kids to leave the room before I cut the cheese.

Do you know why i make puns?
its my respunsibility.

Somebody ripped a whole bunch of pages out of my dictionary. It just goes from bad to worse

White boards are remarkable

A guy just threw milk at me… How dairy?!

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the toilet? Because it has a silent p

I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

What does cheese say when it sees itself in the mirror? Halloumi

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay

Yo mamma is so fat that when she sat on a laptop, the hardware turned into software!

I’m the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser.

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ‘Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite’.

30 seconds left on the microwave.
Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone.
Men: do the space shuttle countdown.

Did you hear about the horse and pig that are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship

My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.

Where do fish work? The offish.