An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya

What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time

A plateau is the highest form of flattery

What do you call a lady with one leg?
Eileen

So apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite ‘maybe next time’ isn’t the correct response.

What religion are baby cows? Calf-lic.

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s butt?
A mechanic!

My dad used to be a human cannonball in the circus. They’ve never found another man of his caliber

The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say I’m really disappointed.

Do you know why i make puns?
its my respunsibility.

I dreamt I wrote the Hobbit the other night. I think I was Tolkien in my sleep.

A Chinese couple had a black baby and named it SumTing Wong.

Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers? Because they can’t even!

Behind every angry woman is man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong

I used to date a dyslexic girl. Weird girl. I took her home and she cooked my sock.

I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears. What am I? Ugly

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it

I can guess your blood type.
Its Red.