My dad always told me “Don’t be quick to find faults”.
Good man, terrible geologist.

Can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in

What do dinosaurs pay their bills with?
Tyrannosaurus Cheques

What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing.

A steak pun is a rare medium well done

What did the blanket say as it fell of the bed?
Oh sheet

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ‘concentrate’.

Let’s hope the new Jurassic world movie isn’t a train Rex of a film.

Several guys are sitting around having a drink and one guy says “My wife’s an angel” another guy says “Your lucky, mines still alive.”

I got into a fight with my boner this morning. Don’t worry, I beat it single handedly

I used to be a lifeguard, but this blue kid got me fired.

Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large

A termite walks into a bar and says “where’s the bar tender”

I called the vet to complain about a bill. He just put the phone down. As quickly and humanely as possible.

I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be talked to in that tone of voice!

I’ve bought my son a huge wooden horse for Christmas.

I got it from ‘Troys R Us.’

I know Jiu-Jitsu, Sambo, Judo, Aikido and lots of other scary words.

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.
It was quite an oar deal.