#585
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t. You get down from a goose
#789
Why couldn’t the bell pass his music test?
He was a dumbbell
#784
What do you call a business cow?
An entrepe-moo-er
#732
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.
When you swim in a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray.
#245
“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled, “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.
#189
A woman goes into a bar and asks for a “double entendre”. So the bartender gave her one.
#595
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
#504
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
#723
My neighbour is a stripper and a coeliac which is tough because she can only jump out of certain cakes.
#499
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
#511
Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.
One yells to the other, ‘How do you get to the other side?’
The other blonde replies, ‘You are on the other side!’
#444
Can a woman make you a millionaire?
Yes, if you’re a billionaire
#215
White boards are remarkable
#800
I’d tell you a joke about crops, but it’s a bit corny.
#802
What do mermaids use to clean their fins?
Tide
#176
A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, “Five beers please.”
#106
My mate had a terrible accident at work. He fell into an industrial grinder. He’s fine now.
#427
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack
#861
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree? Wave.
#590
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it