#366
Why do all of P-Diddy’s kids have nice hair?
Because Sean Combs
#819
Wish I was a dolphin. Then I’d have a porpoise in life
#517
1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.
#352
Two soldiers are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says “BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB”
#250
I mean – I appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I’ve heard so many cancer jokes today – if I get to hear just tumor I’ll really get mad.
#808
My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and has never had a customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it
#137
“You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation.
#179
I met a woman with 12 boobs…
Sounds weird dozen tit!
#866
Age is just the number of hours I’m hungover for.
#842
What music do pirates listen to?
Arrrr n B
#784
What do you call a business cow?
An entrepe-moo-er
#849
The best way to carve wood is whittle by whittle
#778
What do you call a duck with a drug problem?
A quackhead
#592
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
#539
Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills
#777
I lost my mood ring and I don’t know how to feel about it
#533
An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.
#124
My cousin drowned. At his funeral we laid a life jacket on his coffin.
It’s what he would have wanted.
#499
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
#882
I got a photo with R.E.M
That’s me in the corner