#613
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”
#360
My jokes are still in alpha
Hopefully soon they’ll get beta
#120
“It’s a boy!” I shouted, tears rolling down my face. “I don’t believe it. A boy!” And at that moment I decided I’d never visit Thailand again.
#652
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere
#158
What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.
#294
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
#685
“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
#180
A Russian spy, a sexual predator, and a billionaire walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you, Mr. President?”
#232
At breakfast this morning, my wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.
I almost choked on my #Brown.
#225
Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist? Because you will get Jurasskicked.
#829
Dad: Did you hear about the Orca at Sea World?
Son: Nope.
Dad: You didn’t? Oh whale.
#488
What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn’t around? Holmeless.
#309
A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says “make me one with everything”
#745
I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
#831
I was having a dip at the swimming pool when the lifeguard asked, “What have you got there?” I said “Tzatziki”.
#763
The plumber told me a hole boring story about pipes.
#66
My wife told me I was average, I think she’s mean.
#401
When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down
#480
A guy just threw milk at me… How dairy?!
#356
How Long is a Chinese man’s name.
No, it actually is.