How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents

How does the solar system hold up its trousers? With an asteroid belt

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!

What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wasabi

I gave Stevie wonder a cheese grater for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

I can guess your blood type.
Its Red.

What kind of train eats a lot?
A chew chew train

What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?
Billie Jeans

What do you call a wandering caveman? A meanderthal.

I’m hosting a marathon for people with chronic diarrhea. It’s a run for the runs

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway)

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other a busty crustacean

Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me. Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.

My friend David lost his ID.

So now I call him Dav.

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison

My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewellery. To be fair, I didn’t even know she sold jewellery.

What do you call an artist with a brown finger? Picassole