How does the solar system hold up its trousers? With an asteroid belt

It’s Jamaican hair style day at work tomorrow. I’m already dreading it.

What does Kim Kardashian use to fix holes?

Sex tape

What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?
Olive

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway)

Fishermen are reel men.

An English man, an Irish man and an Italian walk into a bar. The bartender says “is this a joke?”

What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!

Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack

Tennis players grunt too much when they play.
There’s no need for all that racquet

When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down

I asked my wife “What do you want me to do with this big roll of bubble wrap?”
She said “Just pop it in the corner”.
It took me 4 hours.

Clones are people two

What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*

My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

For a short while, my uncle was a world famous chainsaw juggler. But not for being good at it. I miss uncle Stump.

I used to be a lifeguard, but this blue kid got me fired.