Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.

Don’t fart in an apple store, there’s no windows!

Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers? Because they can’t even!

My wife’s been staring through the window ever since it started snowing. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other a busty crustacean

I used to be a carpenter until I accidentally sat on my hammer, now I have hammeroids.

What do you call people who illegally use restrooms? Squatters.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”

Why should you never trust a train?
They have loco motives

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”

How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?.

A buccaneer

I hate gravity, it always gets me down

I did a theatrical performance on puns.
It was a play on words.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘handsome’, don’t take it as a compliment!

A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.

Did you hear about the murder at the fish shop the other day!!

2 fish got battered to death

“Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, ‘Do you know why I can’t be buried there?’ And we all say, ‘Why not?’ And he says, ‘Because I’m not dead yet!’”

My wife is leaving me because I’m going bald.

I’m not bothered, it’s hair loss.

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “thank you”

I said “Don’t mention it”