#804
What grows under your nose?
Tulips
#176
A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, “Five beers please.”
#744
What’s got four legs and one arm? A Rottweiler.
#889
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”
#821
Need a boat to hold all of that stuff?
I noah guy
#279
Yesterday I saw a keyboard with some missing keys. It ended up killing itself because it lacked self-Ctrl.
#8
I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there
#412
Why did the mobile phone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts
#119
Two dyslexics walk into a bra…
#823
Why did the grandma put wheels on her rocking chair? She liked to rock and roll
#66
My wife told me I was average, I think she’s mean.
#469
What do you call a bee with a low buzz?
A mumblebee
#841
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
#167
Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction
#830
I spent all day yesterday floating out in the bay.
It’s been my dream ever since I was a little buoy.
#760
What kind of currency do chickens use? Bock bucks
#219
It’s Jamaican hair style day at work tomorrow. I’m already dreading it.
#508
My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!
#587
Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realised he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.
#30
I was addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around