Currently the flower business is blooming.

A dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa

I hate when people use words without knowing the meaning… gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head.

I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

Hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Nailed it.

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler

I’m here for whatever you need me to do… from the couch.

What do you call an alcoholic Vampire?
Drunkcula

A bear walked into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer……and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it!

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
Art

Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.

Today a girl said she recognized me from vegetarian club, but I’m sure I’ve never met herbivore.

I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the other day. She was a bouncer.

Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.