What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.
It was Won Ton.

I’ve bought my son a huge wooden horse for Christmas.

I got it from ‘Troys R Us.’

My friend just got a job at the zoo, circumcising elephants. The pay isn’t great but he gets huge tips.

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off

My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

Why is life in North Korea so hard? Because North Korea lost its Seoul.

Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?
Cause she’ll just let it go

Got a new job as a hostage negotiator. Tried to ring in sick but they talked me out of it.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Sex.

What is the first thing Santa’s elves have to learn?
The Elfabet

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

What is invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

I got banned from a secret cooking society for spilling the beans

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator.

I dreamt I was swimming in an orange ocean last night. It was just a Fanta sea

What kind of bees make milk?
Boobies