What do you call a wandering caveman? A meanderthal.

I was hooked on auctions after only going once… going twice.

Wanted to tell you a joke about tv controllers but it’s not even remotely funny

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

“Jesus loves you.”

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn’t around? Holmeless.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever thought about your X and wondered Y?

Yo mamma is so fat that when she sat on a laptop, the hardware turned into software!

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say I’m really disappointed.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

What kind of bees make milk?
Boobies

Someone says to his friend: “I bought a cat” And the other: “You have to be kitten me!”

A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
Bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line”. The guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it

Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist? Because you will get Jurasskicked.

A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.

Tennis players grunt too much when they play.
There’s no need for all that racquet

My cats gonna sh** when he sees his new litter box I got him for Christmas.