I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again

PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Sex.

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

It’s a good thing farts aren’t contagious like yawns

If two vegans have an argument is it still beef?

What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*

People are making end of the world jokes like there is no tomorrow.

I don’t think it’s possible for me to become a sniper. Not by a long shot.

They should make a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster!

I broke a can opener. It’s a can’t opener now.

The invisible man and invisible woman had children… they weren’t much to look at

How do mathematicians scold their children?

“If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times …”

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?

RIP boiled water. You will be mist.

For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did…I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through

What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonkey.

Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat

Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me. Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.

I had amnesia once – maybe twice.