You can’t run through a camping ground. You can only ran, because it’s past tents

Our vet is great. If you take your dog in and you have pet insurance, they give you a courtesy dog for the day.

I hate peer pressure and you should too.

I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s time consuming

When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down

I used to mix metaphors but that ship has flown.

I, for one, like Roman numerals

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

What kind of train eats a lot?
A chew chew train

At an interview:
First question: “Describe yourself in 3 words”
Me: “Not good with numbers”.

You used asbestos in that wall?
That was asbestos I could do.

“Jesus loves you.”

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

They should make a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster!

My wife told me to get our red headed son ready for school. So I beat him up and took his lunch money.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.