What do you call an Asian man who always has the correct change?
Exact Lee

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace.

I got a sext from a redhead: “I’m all alone. Come over. Bring protection.” I took SPF50.

I bought a cuckoo clock at an army disposals store. Last night at ten o’clock the bird chirped 2200 times.

I am frustrated than a dragon trying to blow out candles.

If you’re looking for quality, never buy fireworks from a guy with more than seven fingers.

What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his butt?
Warren

What kind of currency do chickens use? Bock bucks

What religion are baby cows? Calf-lic.

My friend just got a job at the zoo, circumcising elephants. The pay isn’t great but he gets huge tips.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying

I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto Noah’s Ark

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One’s really heavy and the other is a little lighter

A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”

What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here I’m going on a head

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

“It’s a boy!” I shouted, tears rolling down my face. “I don’t believe it. A boy!” And at that moment I decided I’d never visit Thailand again.

A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, “Five beers please.”