There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.
It was quite an oar deal.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain

This guy said to me: “I’m gonna attack you with the neck of my guitar.” I said: “Is that a fret?”

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus

I got banned from the secret cooking society… For spilling the beans.

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

Whenever I pass someone texting and driving, I throw my beer at their window

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone’s throw away, in fact.

Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny? Because her lips stick.

The funeral for the man who invented Chinese whispers will be held on Monday. Pass it on.

A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and its cold

What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year?
Atrophy.

My dad suggested I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience

I used to be a lifeguard, but this blue kid got me fired.