Blonde: “What does IDK mean?”

Brunette: “I don’t know.”

Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”

Got a universal remote for Father’s Day.
This changes everything!

Care to seduce a large woman?
Piece of cake!

When life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Some people appreciate these kinds of jokes and some don’t – the division is clear.

If pronouncing my b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian, then soviet.

What part of a vegetable do cannibals struggle to eat?
The wheelchair

What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers.

When I think of books, I touch my shelf.

My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes. She wasn’t happy when I arrived with a push-up bra.

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like… “OMg”

Why don’t flies go to church?
Because they’re in sects

It’s Jamaican hair style day at work tomorrow. I’m already dreading it.

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

An old man threw out his hip.. What a waist

How does a whale defend itself?
With a swordfish