Why is life in North Korea so hard? Because North Korea lost its Seoul.

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Did you hear about the houses falling in love? It was a lawn-distance relationship.

This guy just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of his penis. Definitely won’t be shagging one of those again

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear quite bright – until you hear them talk.

37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court.
They will be sentenced next Friday.

If you could rehydrate those raisins, that’d be grapes.

I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free

What do you call a lady with one leg?
Eileen

What do you call a Far Eastern monk who sells reincarnations?
A used karma dealer

A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar

My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.

My annual performance review says I lack “passion & intensity”, guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

I am frustrated than a dragon trying to blow out candles.

There are so many scams on the Internet these days…. but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.

What do you call a mind reader who can’t read minds? A telepathetic.

What do you call an alcoholic Vampire?
Drunkcula