#392
What did the electrician say when he got shocked?
That hertz.
#361
What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite painting?
Sha-Mona Lisa
#403
It puzzles me that a bra is singular and panties are plural.
#11
A handicapped guy stole my wallet.
He can hide but he can’t run
#871
What did the bra say to the hat?
You go on a head I’m gonna give these two a lift
#408
Who is the best king fu vegetable?
Brocc Lee
#573
I’m here for whatever you need me to do… from the couch.
#808
My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and has never had a customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it
#140
When my blonde neighbour asked me if I knew about items missing from her clothesline I nearly wet her pants.
#776
What do you call two guys sitting in a windowsill?
Kurt and Rod
#84
What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
#43
Your mammas not fat. She’s just… easier to see
#747
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
#543
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!
#74
I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.
It was Won Ton.
#519
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
#422
What kind of bees make milk?
Boobies
#210
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
#797
My dad always used to say “The sky’s the limit!”
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA
#255
Why don’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe