It’s a good thing farts aren’t contagious like yawns

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile?
“Get in the batmobile”

Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

What do you call a pastry with diamonds? A stud muffin

Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.

An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.

“Your finest Scotch, please.” “Yes, sir,” the guy at Officeworks says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like… “OMg”

I really hate those people who knock at your door and tell you how you need to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’
Stupid firemen.

What do PCs and air conditioners have in common?
They both become useless when you open windows

I dreamt I was swimming in an orange ocean last night. It was just a Fanta sea

Why dont blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.

What do you call someone who sells their body for a bowl of spaghetti? A pastatute!

I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

People who sometimes use the wrong words should have the humidity to admit it.

I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

What’s the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?
Luke warm