#820
What did the cleaner say as he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPLIES!
#767
My dad used to say “Always fight fire with fire.” Probably explains why he was thrown out of the fire brigade
#65
Did you know I was bilingual? Yeah I speak English and profanity
#412
Why did the mobile phone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts
#533
An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.
#543
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!
#127
When I heard that they’d found a cure for dyslexia, it was like music to my arse.
#873
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A Piiig…
#501
I had amnesia once – maybe twice.
#645
Sheepdog: All 50 sheep are accounted for, boss.
Farmer: But I only had 49?
Sheepdog: Yeah I know. I rounded them up.
#722
What do you call a guy covered in leaves?
Russell
#134
I used to date a dyslexic girl. Weird girl. I took her home and she cooked my sock.
#792
My wife screamed “Ugh you haven’t heard a word I said, have you!?”
What a strange way to start a conversation
#237
How does the solar system hold up its trousers? With an asteroid belt
#805
What kind of car does a rich cow drive?
A Cattlelac
#183
There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
#51
An English man, an Irish man and an Italian walk into a bar. The bartender says “is this a joke?”
#94
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny..
#305
Lets have a toast for the bread winners!
#300
Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.