#717
A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
Bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line”. The guy looks around, but there is no punch line.
#480
A guy just threw milk at me… How dairy?!
#313
I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.
#45
What do you call a guy with his legs cut off at the knees?
Neil
#218
Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.
#348
What did the remote say to the TV? You turn me on.
#577
Heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu – you get what you deserve
#27
I named my hard drive “dat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to back dat ass up
#631
I applied for a government job but accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favour.
#781
I decided to make my password “incorrect” because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me,
“Your password is incorrect.”
#74
I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.
It was Won Ton.
#648
Wanna hear a potassium joke?
K
#624
Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan?
Because of the tally ban
#527
Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines.
#599
There are so many scams on the Internet these days…. but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
#788
What jam can’t you eat?
Traffic
#347
My wife says I’m immature. I told her to get out of my fort
#722
What do you call a guy covered in leaves?
Russell
#490
Several guys are sitting around having a drink and one guy says “My wife’s an angel” another guy says “Your lucky, mines still alive.”
#255
Why don’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe