I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.

What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.

Care to seduce a large woman?
Piece of cake!

At any given moment the urge to sing, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away. A whim away. A whim away.

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus

I have only seen people underwhelmed or overwhelmed, never whelmed properly.

“Give me a sentence about a public servant” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes” said the boy. “It means carrying a child”

I met a woman with 12 boobs…
Sounds weird dozen tit!

I did a theatrical performance on puns.
It was a play on words.

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully soon they’ll get beta

I felt so bad today…I saw this sad dog without a tail. Luckily, his owner was taking him to the retail store.

Tennis players grunt too much when they play.
There’s no need for all that racquet

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s time consuming

What do you call a guy covered in leaves?
Russell

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the toilet? Because it has a silent p

The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.

What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.