There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.
It was quite an oar deal.

When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?

Somebody ripped a whole bunch of pages out of my dictionary. It just goes from bad to worse

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?
Cause she’ll just let it go

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”

My ex-wife is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me. I want to say hello but there’s just too much history between us.

I remember last summer I was so excited when the water restrictions were lifted I wet my plants.

What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg? Hop in.

Is it bad to tell knock knock jokes to homeless people?

What was the demon arrested for?
Possession

Why did the Higgs Boson go to church?
For the mass

I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.

My ex-girlfriend still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

If I get interviewed by a police sketch artist, my only goal will be to see how far I get before he realizes I’m making him draw a pirate.

The only dates I get these days are software updates

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

No deja vu please…
I don’t want to go through that again

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.