#228

I wanted to watch the world origami championship on TV but it was only on paper view.

#236

“Jesus loves you.”

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

#579

What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral

#505

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

#158

What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.

#131

I’ve just found out one of my mates works as a mime artist. He’s kept that quiet.

#481

I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper’s jammin’ again.

#549

Why was the computer late for work?
He had a slow, hard drive

#445

When a woman says “what!?” it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s just giving you a chance to change what you said

#631

I applied for a government job but accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favour.

#124

My cousin drowned. At his funeral we laid a life jacket on his coffin.
It’s what he would have wanted.

#118

I’m thinking of selling my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.
Imagine all the PayPal.

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