One of the elves left the North Pole to join a gang and sell drugs.
He’s a rebel without a Claus

Broken Guitar for sale.
No strings attached

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan?
Because of the tally ban

Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a bridge?
Tequila

Behind every angry woman is man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong

Thank you student loans for getting me through university. I don’t think I could ever repay you

One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? Forget-me-nuts.

Did you know I was bilingual? Yeah I speak English and profanity

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
Art

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines… but catscan

What is the first thing Santa’s elves have to learn?
The Elfabet

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

Is it bad to tell knock knock jokes to homeless people?

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.