Did you hear about the horse and pig that are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

White boards are remarkable

I only trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie.

I saw a bishop the other day. Wondered why he wasn’t walking diagonally

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large

I hate when people use words without knowing the meaning… gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head.

Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan?
Because of the tally ban

One of the elves left the North Pole to join a gang and sell drugs.
He’s a rebel without a Claus

It’d be frustrating if you seriously couldn’t find your friend Marco at a crowded swimming pool.

How Long is a Chinese man’s name.

No, it actually is.

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay

Pick up line: “Are you a beaver because damn!”

If pronouncing my b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian, then soviet.

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”

Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?

The rotation of earth really makes my day.