A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear quite bright – until you hear them talk.

My dad used to say “Always fight fire with fire.” Probably explains why he was thrown out of the fire brigade

My mate’s sex change operation from male to female went very well.
They did such a good job he’s still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it!

If pronouncing my b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian, then soviet.

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”

Why should you never trust a train?
They have loco motives

Prison may be just one word. But to some, it’s a whole sentence.

Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Yeah, it was on Fry Day, I can’t believe they got killed for the halibut. No motive, someone should seas the culprit. I’m crabby bout it all

I don’t think it’s possible for me to become a sniper. Not by a long shot.

I have a stepladder. Because my real ladder left when I was a kid

You can’t run through a camping ground. You can only ran, because it’s past tents

Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

White boards are remarkable

What does Batman put in his drink?

Just Ice

It’d be frustrating if you seriously couldn’t find your friend Marco at a crowded swimming pool.