Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Prison may be just one word. But to some, it’s a whole sentence.

I went to a busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball.
I got served straight away.

Why did the snowman smile?
Because the snowblower was coming

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus

What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

There was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. The snake went back to get its ass and a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, “Don’t lose your head over a piece of ass.”

I bet the butcher $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

Why don’t flies go to church?
Because they’re in sects

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing

They should make a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble

So this bloke just came up to me & said i’ve just spilt my scrabble set on the road. I asked “Whats the word on the street?”

I asked my wife for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.