#191

A horse walks into a bar, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The bartender gives the horse a beer, he drinks it and leaves. A guy sitting at the bar looks perplexed and asks the bartender “Hey, what’s that all about?” The bartender replies, “Don’t take it personally, he never says ‘Hi’ to anyone.”

#93

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

#828

Did you know that one of the Knights of the Round Table collected taxes?
His name was Sir Charge

#812

What kind of lights did Noah use for his ark?
Floodlights

#870

You used asbestos in that wall?
That was asbestos I could do.

#691

What did the cow say to her calf?
It’s pasture bed time

#643

I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.

#552

The bartender says, β€œWe don’t serve time travellers in here.”
A time traveller walks into a bar.

#25

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever thought about your X and wondered Y?

#515

My annual performance review says I lack “passion & intensity”, guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.

#98

“Your finest Scotch, please.” “Yes, sir,” the guy at Officeworks says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.

#551

How do mathematicians scold their children?

“If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times …”

#166

My tailor is happy to make a pair of pants for me, or at least sew it seams.

#149

I used to be a carpenter until I accidentally sat on my hammer, now I have hammeroids.

#202

A termite walks into a bar and says “where’s the bar tender”

#160

The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

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