Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Those long face jokes are so mean. Let me buy you a drink”

A plateau is the highest form of flattery

Someone threw cheese at me.
Real mature!

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it would be called chicken sedan.

What is Bruce Lee’s favourite drink? Wataaaaahh!

What do PCs and air conditioners have in common?
They both become useless when you open windows

i thought i got a type a in blood test but it was actually a typ-o

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot

What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire? Bernadette

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says “You have a drink named Steve?”

A baby seal walks into a club.

Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble

Someone told me my clothes looked gay..
They did come out of the closet this morning.

My wife asked me to join her for yoga class. I said “Namaste home”

I dreamt I was swimming in an orange ocean last night. It was just a Fanta sea

What do you call a guy with a car on his head?
Jack

Two dyslexics walk into a bra…

The Lord of the Rings is basically about a group that spends nine hours returning jewellery