#617
What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison
#377
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.
#184
A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.
#661
Hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Nailed it.
#47
Two peanuts walked down the street. One of them was a salted
#808
My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and has never had a customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it
#441
My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
#752
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB
#523
I gave all my dead batteries away today…
free of charge
#585
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t. You get down from a goose
#388
What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
#621
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran
#644
Scared the postman today by going to the door naked.
I’m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
#181
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
#160
The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
#830
I spent all day yesterday floating out in the bay.
It’s been my dream ever since I was a little buoy.
#843
I hate gravity, it always gets me down
#797
My dad always used to say “The sky’s the limit!”
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA
#33
What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his butt?
Warren
#156
What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonkey.