What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “The highballs are on me.”

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

A bear walked into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer……and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”

I’m terrified of elevators, and I’m taking steps to avoid them

Hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Nailed it.

My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes. She wasn’t happy when I arrived with a push-up bra.

I can only tell you a bad chemistry joke because all the good ones Argon

My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was told by my boss that employees needed to go to the meeting room before every shift. I asked why. He said, “Assembly required.”

I was mugged by an acupuncturist yesterday – the mongrel stabbed me 236 times.
Mind you, when I woke up this morning I felt amazing.

Can a woman make you a millionaire?
Yes, if you’re a billionaire

My dad used to be a human cannonball in the circus. They’ve never found another man of his caliber

I stayed up all night to find out where the sun went, then it dawned on me…

Lets have a toast for the bread winners!

What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I went to a zoo in China last month, all they had in it was a small fluffy dog.
It was a Shitzu.

Where did Mary go after the explosion?
Everywhere

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk