Lets have a toast for the bread winners!

Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist? Because you will get Jurasskicked.

I got a sext from a redhead: “I’m all alone. Come over. Bring protection.” I took SPF50.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “This taste funny to you?”

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.
Dirty Bastards.

Two soldiers are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says “BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB”

My wife’s been staring through the window ever since it started snowing. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

The plumber told me a hole boring story about pipes.

A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”

Best Summer Vacation Book Never Written: “Where to Stay on Vacation” by Moe Tell.

I was hooked on auctions after only going once… going twice.

I’m hosting a marathon for people with chronic diarrhea. It’s a run for the runs

Did you hear about the horse and pig that are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped his bum.

I’m here for whatever you need me to do… from the couch.

Wanted to tell you a joke about tv controllers but it’s not even remotely funny

Why did the mobile phone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts