A guy just threw milk at me… How dairy?!

19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.

Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny? Because her lips stick.

People who sometimes use the wrong words should have the humidity to admit it.

The first rule of Alzheimer’s club, is don’t talk about chess club

What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite painting?
Sha-Mona Lisa

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One’s really heavy and the other is a little lighter

Is it bad to tell knock knock jokes to homeless people?

I had amnesia once – maybe twice.

You know mountains aren’t just funny, they are hill areas

I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

Nobody’s perfect. I’m a nobody.

I’m in awe. My buddy just used a snail as a key to start up his sedan…

It made escargot.

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
Synonym rolls

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like… “OMg”

I would lose weight, but I hate losing.

I really hate those people who knock at your door and tell you how you need to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’
Stupid firemen.

I’m not passive aggressive. Unlike some people.