I felt so bad today…I saw this sad dog without a tail. Luckily, his owner was taking him to the retail store.

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like… “OMg”

It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.

What has four letters

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
Let’s go play on our bikes

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.

Why did the chicken go to a séance? To communicate with the other side

I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.

I gave all my dead batteries away today…
free of charge

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

It’d be frustrating if you seriously couldn’t find your friend Marco at a crowded swimming pool.

Where does Buzz Lightyear go furniture shopping at? Bed, Bath, and BEYOND!

If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I’d compete in it later.

If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

What do you get when giraffes collide?
A giraffic jam

How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t. You get down from a goose