And the best neckwear award goes to…
Oh wait. It’s a tie.

What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

What’s the worst vegetable to eat on a boat?
Leek

An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “The highballs are on me.”

I mean – I appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I’ve heard so many cancer jokes today – if I get to hear just tumor I’ll really get mad.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do *not* read it!

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped his bum.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “This taste funny to you?”

A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says “make me one with everything”

What do you call an Asian lady with one leg?
Irene

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble

The first rule of Alzheimer’s club, is don’t talk about chess club

My dad suggested I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart

I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!

I had the most amazing orange the other day

It was a class above the zest