#247
Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?
#459
I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.
#363
What part of your body likes to get frisky?
The naked eye
#344
Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly
#818
How much beer does it take to get a tropical bird drunk?
Toucans
#500
Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’
#797
My dad always used to say “The sky’s the limit!”
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA
#404
I’m not saying your perfume is too strong. I’m just saying the canary was alive before you got here.
#469
What do you call a bee with a low buzz?
A mumblebee
#269
I didn’t like my beard at first but then it grew on me.
#414
What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?
Billie Jeans
#287
Something about subtraction just doesn’t add up
#620
The Energizer bunny ended up in jail.
He was charged with battery
#532
What’s it like being in a vacuum cleaner? It sucks
#185
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
#496
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
#801
The only thing flat-earthers fear…
Is sphere itself
#839
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
#548
What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
“Do these genes make me look fat?”
#293
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication