What do you call a wandering caveman? A meanderthal.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it

What advice did Notorious B.I.G give to his cows?
Moo money, moo problems

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night. She nearly took my eye out.

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble

I got called pretty yesterday and it felt good!

Actually, the full sentence was “you’re pretty annoying” but I’m choosing to focus on the positive

I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.”
A time traveller walks into a bar.

Two bars walk into a man, LSD is powerful stuff

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

My ex-wife is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me. I want to say hello but there’s just too much history between us.

I went to a zoo in China last month, all they had in it was a small fluffy dog.
It was a Shitzu.

I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly

Cinderella got kicked off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball

So this bloke just came up to me & said i’ve just spilt my scrabble set on the road. I asked “Whats the word on the street?”