What do you call a duck with a drug problem?
A quackhead


What’s the worst thing about ancient history class?
The teachers tend to Babylon


There are plenty of fish in the sea but until you catch one you’re just stuck here holding your rod…


Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.


Where does Buzz Lightyear go furniture shopping at? Bed, Bath, and BEYOND!


Our cat coughed up furballs all over the carpet. I wouldn’t mind but Furballs was our hamster.


When does a sandwich cook?
When it’s bakin lettuce and tomato


My tailor is happy to make a pair of pants for me, or at least sew it seams.


What’s the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?


Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better.


Two soldiers are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says “BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB”


Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.


Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realised he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.


What did one lumber jack say to another lumber jack?
“I need to axe you a question”

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