#899
I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.
#605
What do you call a Far Eastern monk who sells reincarnations?
A used karma dealer
#330
They say make up sex is the best…
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.
#273
My cats gonna sh** when he sees his new litter box I got him for Christmas.
#525
Currently the flower business is blooming.
#262
Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers? Because they can’t even!
#823
Why did the grandma put wheels on her rocking chair? She liked to rock and roll
#573
I’m here for whatever you need me to do… from the couch.
#710
I really hate those people who knock at your door and tell you how you need to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’
Stupid firemen.
#730
Thank you student loans for getting me through university. I don’t think I could ever repay you
#395
Deja Moo – the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before
#432
A Chinese couple had a black baby and named it SumTing Wong.
#263
Once I found out masturbating was an addiction, I just knew that I had no choice but to beat it.
#562
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.
#832
My wife said “Black really is slimming on you, you’ve never looked sexier”.
I said “Turn the light back on”.
#59
The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common
#145
I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia?
She whispered, “They’re behind you”.
#638
Me: Mmm, you’ve dimmed the lights. I like where this is going.
Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
#845
When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble
#895
What do you call somebody with body and just a nose? Nobody nose!