I’ve bought my son a huge wooden horse for Christmas.

I got it from ‘Troys R Us.’


You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet.


What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? Forget-me-nuts.


I’m here for whatever you need me to do… from the couch.


I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.


Me: Go to sleep before the monsters get you.
Daughter: Monsters aren’t real.
Me: You sound like your sister.
Daughter: Sister?
Me: I’ve said too much already…


Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a bridge?


My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.


A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.


My annual performance review says I lack “passion & intensity”, guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.


Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack


I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing”

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