Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up

NSA Pickup Line #2:
I know exactly where you have been all my life

I dreamt I was swimming in an orange ocean last night. It was just a Fanta sea

I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram

A termite walks into a bar and says “where’s the bar tender”

What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year?
Atrophy.

Queue is just Q followed by four silent letters waiting their turn

My mate’s sex change operation from male to female went very well.
They did such a good job he’s still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.

My wife told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.
I said “No wait, I can change!”

Something about subtraction just doesn’t add up

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?

I haven’t slept for three days, because that would be too long.

I just found out that the guy who stole my private diary has died.
My thoughts are with his family.

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison

What do you call a bee with a low buzz?
A mumblebee

What’s an epileptics favourite food? Seizure salad

What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.

I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears. What am I? Ugly

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.