Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up


NSA Pickup Line #2:
I know exactly where you have been all my life


I dreamt I was swimming in an orange ocean last night. It was just a Fanta sea


I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.


A termite walks into a bar and says “where’s the bar tender”


What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year?


Queue is just Q followed by four silent letters waiting their turn


My mate’s sex change operation from male to female went very well.
They did such a good job he’s still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.


My wife told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.
I said “No wait, I can change!”


At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?


I haven’t slept for three days, because that would be too long.


I just found out that the guy who stole my private diary has died.
My thoughts are with his family.


What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.


I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears. What am I? Ugly


Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

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