#561
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
I’m addicted to brake fluid but I can stop whenever I want
What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?
A dry Martinez
I gave Stevie wonder a cheese grater for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
My wife’s mad because I paid for my dope out of our joint account. I thought that was why we had it.
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire
My dad always told me āDonāt be quick to find faultsā.
Good man, terrible geologist.
My wife was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldnāt, couldnāt, wouldnāt, didnāt, can’t!”
“Doc, whatās wrong with my wife?” I asked.
“Nothing” he said. “Sheās just having contractions.”
What’s an epileptics favourite food? Seizure salad
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.
Not all math puns are bad. Just sum.
If you’re looking for quality, never buy fireworks from a guy with more than seven fingers.
Do not argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
If you could rehydrate those raisins, that’d be grapes.
I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first but by the end I kinda liked it
Hedgehogs ā why canāt they just share the hedge
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden..
The plot thickens.
A jumper cable walked into a bar, the bartender said āIāll serve you, but donāt start anything!ā
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.
Iām looking for the girl next door type. Iām just gonna keep moving house till I find her.