#778

What do you call a duck with a drug problem?
A quackhead

#211

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”

#768

Where does Buzz Lightyear go furniture shopping at? Bed, Bath, and BEYOND!

#390

Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees

#807

If Tinkerbell had a Mexican sister what would her name be?
Taco Bell

#112

Me: Go to sleep before the monsters get you.
Daughter: Monsters aren’t real.
Me: You sound like your sister.
Daughter: Sister?
Me: I’ve said too much already…

#160

The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

#130

My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes. She wasn’t happy when I arrived with a push-up bra.

#443

Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.

#197

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.

#226

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

#737

You can’t run through a camping ground. You can only ran, because it’s past tents

#37

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t.

#234

I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

#738

30 seconds left on the microwave.
Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone.
Men: do the space shuttle countdown.

Back to top