A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.


So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere


I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.


Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better.


-Librarians arguing


Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals


For a short while, my uncle was a world famous chainsaw juggler. But not for being good at it. I miss uncle Stump.


What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year?


When a woman says “what!?” it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s just giving you a chance to change what you said


I was watching a marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’


I told my wife she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.


Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees


How does the solar system hold up its trousers? With an asteroid belt


“Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, ‘Do you know why I can’t be buried there?’ And we all say, ‘Why not?’ And he says, ‘Because I’m not dead yet!’”

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