#184

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.

#451

Happy 3 week anniversary to the 26 browser tabs I have open.

#860

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a bridge?
Tequila

#879

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says “You have a drink named Steve?”

#22

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up

#636

This weight loss website wants me to accept cookies. Hmm…

#891

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.

#646

My wifi has stopped working. Turns out our neighbours hadn’t paid the bill. Tightarses.

#396

I lost my licence so I bought a vintage Rolls Royce because I thought it came with a driver. It didn’t. So I spent all that money and I’ve got nothing to chauffeur it.

#303

There was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. The snake went back to get its ass and a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, “Don’t lose your head over a piece of ass.”

#858

What sits at the bottom of the ocean shivering?
A nervous wreck

#734

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.

#203

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

#29

The first rule of Alzheimer’s club, is don’t talk about chess club

#746

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

#5

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One’s really heavy and the other is a little lighter

#850

Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.

#567

How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him into the mainstream

Back to top