#124

My cousin drowned. At his funeral we laid a life jacket on his coffin.
It’s what he would have wanted.

#65

Did you know I was bilingual? Yeah I speak English and profanity

#650

Where does seaweed look for a job?
in the kelp-wanted ads

#194

A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work.

#618

If I get interviewed by a police sketch artist, my only goal will be to see how far I get before he realizes I’m making him draw a pirate.

#111

My wife broke up with me because of my gambling. All I can think of is how to win her back.

#757

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.

#168

What does cheese say when it sees itself in the mirror? Halloumi

#297

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

#411

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving

#458

My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.

#448

Behind every angry woman is man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong

#358

What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste

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