An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

I met a woman with 12 boobs…
Sounds weird dozen tit!

Did you know I was bilingual? Yeah I speak English and profanity

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Anette

Best Summer Vacation Book Never Written: “Where to Stay on Vacation” by Moe Tell.

Me: Mmm, you’ve dimmed the lights. I like where this is going.
Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.

What sits at the bottom of the ocean shivering?
A nervous wreck

I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.

Where does Buzz Lightyear go furniture shopping at? Bed, Bath, and BEYOND!

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear quite bright – until you hear them talk.

I just realised that I haven’t done the hokey pokey in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it’s all about.

I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?

I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down

I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.