I’m not lazy… I’m just on my energy saving mode.

I really hate those people who knock at your door and tell you how you need to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’
Stupid firemen.

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It’s not hard.

What do you call a mind reader who can’t read minds? A telepathetic.

What kind of bees make milk?
Boobies

They should make a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster!

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

It puzzles me that a bra is singular and panties are plural.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in your fireplace?
Bernie

My wife said “Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen.”
So I returned with 12 loaves of bread

People are making end of the world jokes like there is no tomorrow.

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s time consuming

“No, thanks. I’m a vegetarian.” is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?

What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing.

I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died…
Which was lucky, because he trod on a landmine.

I did a theatrical performance on puns.
It was a play on words.

Shout out to my grandma…
That’s the only way she can hear

A giraffe walks into a bar. “Sorry”, said the barman, “We don’t serve Heineken here.”