Where does seaweed look for a job?
in the kelp-wanted ads

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

They say make up sex is the best…
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.

Wanna hear a potassium joke?
K

I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

I don’t think it’s possible for me to become a sniper. Not by a long shot.

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere

I wanted to watch the world origami championship on TV but it was only on paper view.

A woman goes into a bar and asks for a “double entendre”. So the bartender gave her one.

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

What sits at the bottom of the ocean shivering?
A nervous wreck

i thought i got a type a in blood test but it was actually a typ-o

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram

No deja vu please…
I don’t want to go through that again

I stayed up all night to find out where the sun went, then it dawned on me…