#521

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

#662

Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

#9

How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool

#825

Mountains aren’t just funny
They’re hill areas

#201

A bear walked into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer……and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”

#42

What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?
Olive

#234

I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

#877

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “The highballs are on me.”

#664

What did one lumber jack say to another lumber jack?
“I need to axe you a question”

#605

What do you call a Far Eastern monk who sells reincarnations?
A used karma dealer

#761

What do you call a mind reader who can’t read minds? A telepathetic.

#747

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

#391

Someone told me my clothes looked gay..
They did come out of the closet this morning.

#229

Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.

#780

Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

#87

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

#558

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘handsome’, don’t take it as a compliment!

#98

“Your finest Scotch, please.” “Yes, sir,” the guy at Officeworks says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.

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