Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication

I burnt My Hawaiian pizza today…

I should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature

I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house.

Deja Moo – the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before

Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Where does seaweed look for a job?
in the kelp-wanted ads

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Some people appreciate these kinds of jokes and some don’t – the division is clear.

Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby

My wife said I never listen to her. Or something like that.

I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.

Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?

The first rule of Alzheimer’s club, is don’t talk about chess club

This guy just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of his penis. Definitely won’t be shagging one of those again

What do dinosaurs pay their bills with?
Tyrannosaurus Cheques

37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court.
They will be sentenced next Friday.

I may not be getting lucky tonight, but I’m definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it

When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?