The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy so he got out.

What do you call an alcoholic Vampire?
Drunkcula

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.

“No, thanks. I’m a vegetarian.” is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.

What has four letters

What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first but by the end I kinda liked it

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.”
A time traveller walks into a bar.

I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down

What do you call a guy with his legs cut off at the knees?
Neil

What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.

So after I won the game for our team I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on T.V.
Apparently, that’s a no-no in bowling.

Sheepdog: All 50 sheep are accounted for, boss.
Farmer: But I only had 49?
Sheepdog: Yeah I know. I rounded them up.

I’ve bought my son a huge wooden horse for Christmas.

I got it from ‘Troys R Us.’

Did you know I was bilingual? Yeah I speak English and profanity

My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.