I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto Noah’s Ark

My wife says I’m too impulsive. But what the hell does she know? She only met me yesterday.

Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
Let’s go play on our bikes

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile?
“Get in the batmobile”

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

My ex-wife has lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.

I don’t mind kids playing hopscotch in most places, but my driveway is where I draw the line.

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone’s throw away, in fact.

Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencilvania

I went to a zoo in China last month, all they had in it was a small fluffy dog.
It was a Shitzu.

Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

My wife’s been staring through the window ever since it started snowing. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

I’m trying to write jokes about unemployed people, but they need more work

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

What happened to the cannibal that was late to dinner?
He was given the cold shoulder

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny..