I met a woman with 12 boobs…
Sounds weird dozen tit!

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Your mum is so mean, she has no standard deviation
🤓

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

Say what you want about deaf people…

My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was told by my boss that employees needed to go to the meeting room before every shift. I asked why. He said, “Assembly required.”

What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.

I remember last summer I was so excited when the water restrictions were lifted I wet my plants.

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

How do Mexicans stay warm in winter? Fajitas

If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

What do you call an academically successful slice of bread? An honor roll.

I hate peer pressure and you should too.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

I applied for a government job but accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favour.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB

Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realised he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.