A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.

Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly

What do PCs and air conditioners have in common?
They both become useless when you open windows

What was Helen Keller’s favourite colour?
Velcro

I don’t mind kids playing hopscotch in most places, but my driveway is where I draw the line.

I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died…
Which was lucky, because he trod on a landmine.

What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending

I have a fear of speed bumps. Im slowly getting over it

What do ducks wear to weddings? Duxedos

I stayed up all night to find out where the sun went, then it dawned on me…

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.

I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper’s jammin’ again.

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator.

Don’t fart in an apple store, there’s no windows!

My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was told by my boss that employees needed to go to the meeting room before every shift. I asked why. He said, “Assembly required.”

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.

When he proposed to her. She found it very engaging.

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

I was walking my dog through the cemetery when I saw a guy crouching behind a gravestone.
I said “Morning”. He said, “No, just having a sh**”.