Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.


What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg? Hop in.


In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.


I swear to drunk I’m not god but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school and don’t do vegetables


A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200


An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya


What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles


How much beer does it take to get a tropical bird drunk?


How do animals hide in the desert?
They use camel-flage.


My annual performance review says I lack “passion & intensity”, guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.


What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn’t around? Holmeless.


One of the elves left the North Pole to join a gang and sell drugs.
He’s a rebel without a Claus


A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says “You have a drink named Steve?”


If canola oil comes from canola, where does baby oil come from?


You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.


A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “The highballs are on me.”


I bet the butcher $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

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