#359
What does Kim Kardashian use to fix holes?
Sex tape
What does Kim Kardashian use to fix holes?
Sex tape
How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
What was the demon arrested for?
Possession
My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
At an interview:
First question: “Describe yourself in 3 words”
Me: “Not good with numbers”.
I still remember the day the scented candle shop I worked at burned to the ground.
Everyone was so calm…..
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s time consuming
Not all math puns are bad. Just sum.
The best way to carve wood is whittle by whittle
My wife told me “Sex is better on holiday”.
Worst postcard ever.
What kind of bees make milk?
Boobies
My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
Our cat was just sick on the carpet. I don’t think its feline well.
Why couldn’t the bell pass his music test?
He was a dumbbell
I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it
Someone told me my clothes looked gay..
They did come out of the closet this morning.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
A bear walked into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer……and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”
What do you call a guy with his legs cut off at the knees?
Neil
Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells