#850

Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.

#290

What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg? Hop in.

#489

In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.

#295

I swear to drunk I’m not god but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school and don’t do vegetables

#563

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200

#49

An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya

#741

What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles

#818

How much beer does it take to get a tropical bird drunk?
Toucans

#815

How do animals hide in the desert?
They use camel-flage.

#515

My annual performance review says I lack “passion & intensity”, guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.

#488

What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn’t around? Holmeless.

#896

One of the elves left the North Pole to join a gang and sell drugs.
He’s a rebel without a Claus

#879

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says “You have a drink named Steve?”

#672

If canola oil comes from canola, where does baby oil come from?

#772

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

#877

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “The highballs are on me.”

#298

I bet the butcher $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

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