I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.

Pick up line: “Are you a beaver because damn!”

Statistically speaking, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy

NSA Pickup Line #2:
I know exactly where you have been all my life

What do you call a guy no arms no legs in the mail box? Bill.

What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*

This weight loss website wants me to accept cookies. Hmm…

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.

What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending

My dad always told me “Don’t be quick to find faults”.
Good man, terrible geologist.

What do you call dental x-rays?
Tooth pics

I felt so bad today…I saw this sad dog without a tail. Luckily, his owner was taking him to the retail store.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Sex.

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?

What did the NSA analyst say to his co-worker when their female colleague walked past?
“I’d tap that”

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
Couldn’t control his pupils

How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down.