As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Some people appreciate these kinds of jokes and some don’t – the division is clear.

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear quite bright – until you hear them talk.

I used to be a lifeguard, but this blue kid got me fired.

Wanna hear a potassium joke?
K

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

The rotation of earth really makes my day.

My cousin drowned. At his funeral we laid a life jacket on his coffin.
It’s what he would have wanted.

What has four letters

I was thinking about getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar

A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”

The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”

A guy just threw milk at me… How dairy?!

I just found out that the guy who stole my private diary has died.
My thoughts are with his family.

I didn’t like my beard at first but then it grew on me.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

No deja vu please…
I don’t want to go through that again