I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It’s shift work.

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

I had the most amazing orange the other day

It was a class above the zest

My friend has got a butler who only has one arm.
Serves him right.

I’m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I’m outstanding.

I lost my licence so I bought a vintage Rolls Royce because I thought it came with a driver. It didn’t. So I spent all that money and I’ve got nothing to chauffeur it.

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

When are holes beautiful? When they’re gorges.

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.

A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.

What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

Who is the best king fu vegetable?
Brocc Lee

I haven’t slept for three days, because that would be too long.

What do you call someone who sells their body for a bowl of spaghetti? A pastatute!