#553
What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.
#326
I mustache you a question but I’ll Shave it for later
#786
Interviewer asked me if I’d make a good waiter.
Let’s just say I can bring a lot to the table
#7
Even when I’m really tired I refuse to take naps during the day. My wife says I’m resisting a rest.
#785
My wife hates Oasis and asked me to stop singing Wonderwall.
I said maybe
#310
What religion are baby cows? Calf-lic.
#258
What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire? Bernadette
#643
I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.
#866
Age is just the number of hours I’m hungover for.
#123
I just saw a sign that made me wet myself.
It said “Bathroom Closed”.
#550
What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbourhood?
A Spaghetto
#343
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden..
The plot thickens.
#212
Why did the Mexican take xanax?
For Hispanic attacks
#841
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
#805
What kind of car does a rich cow drive?
A Cattlelac
#753
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So when they dock they can Scandinavian.
#539
Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills
#152
Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny? Because her lips stick.
#254
A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”
#427
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack