Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?

I imagine a handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.

I broke a can opener. It’s a can’t opener now.

What do you call a Far Eastern monk who sells reincarnations?
A used karma dealer

Murphy’s law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but have you heard of Cole’s law? It’s finely sliced cabbage.

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.

I thought I understood the meaning of “When Pigs Fly” but then… the swine flu.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

Our vet is great. If you take your dog in and you have pet insurance, they give you a courtesy dog for the day.

I stayed up all night to find out where the sun went, then it dawned on me…

An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.

They should make a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster!

If a stranger offers you a piece of candy…take two.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Face is a four letter word. But preface is a foreword letter.

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “The highballs are on me.”