A dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.

What do dinosaurs pay their bills with?
Tyrannosaurus Cheques

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?.

A buccaneer

What’s the difference between voyeurs and thieves? Thieves snatch your watch.

I got banned from a secret cooking society for spilling the beans

Who is the best king fu vegetable?
Brocc Lee

Our cat coughed up furballs all over the carpet. I wouldn’t mind but Furballs was our hamster.

Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?
Cause she’ll just let it go

Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

Yeah, it was on Fry Day, I can’t believe they got killed for the halibut. No motive, someone should seas the culprit. I’m crabby bout it all

Hedgehogs — why can’t they just share the hedge

My neighbour is a stripper and a coeliac which is tough because she can only jump out of certain cakes.

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn’t believe it when I rode pasta.

Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to.

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction