Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines… but catscan

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.

Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta

What do people wear in a trench? Trench coats.

I, for one, like Roman numerals

What did the NSA analyst say to his co-worker when their female colleague walked past?
“I’d tap that”

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

I got banned from a secret cooking society for spilling the beans

Woke up on the ground last night, must have fell asleep​.

Sheepdog: All 50 sheep are accounted for, boss.
Farmer: But I only had 49?
Sheepdog: Yeah I know. I rounded them up.

My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night. She nearly took my eye out.

When my blonde neighbour asked me if I knew about items missing from her clothesline I nearly wet her pants.

I had the most amazing orange the other day

It was a class above the zest

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall? So he could see her crack!

Why did the chicken go to a séance? To communicate with the other side