#393
Why did the Higgs Boson go to church?
For the mass
#780
Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
#614
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
#539
Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills
#839
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
#793
I couldn’t get in to the library last night.
It was over booked.
#88
I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.
#333
My wife just broke up with me for talking about video games too much, what a stupid thing to Fallout 4
#235
I’ve bought my son a huge wooden horse for Christmas.
I got it from ‘Troys R Us.’
#561
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
#866
Age is just the number of hours I’m hungover for.
#189
A woman goes into a bar and asks for a “double entendre”. So the bartender gave her one.
#135
My mate’s sex change operation from male to female went very well.
They did such a good job he’s still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.
#101
The funeral for the man who invented Chinese whispers will be held on Monday. Pass it on.
#262
Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers? Because they can’t even!
#426
What do dinosaurs pay their bills with?
Tyrannosaurus Cheques
#708
What did the blanket say as it fell of the bed?
Oh sheet
#296
My wife’s been staring through the window ever since it started snowing. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
#330
They say make up sex is the best…
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.
#724
What do you call a guy no arms no legs in the mail box? Bill.